 Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.  Are you ready for this? Cause ready or not, here I come. I'm hard to handle, stubborn like you wouldn't believe, I'm obnoxious, I have no confidence, and I'm rude. However, I pinky promise to remain loyal and love you and try my best to change for the better, however I refuse, I refuse, to change myself completely based on what you want, because if that's what you want, well honey you don't want me because I'm most definitely not that. I'm me, accept it, love it and keep it.  Time to photoshop my life. touch up the edges, adjust the tones, blur out the background, focus on me, and crop people out.  So here's a piece of advice: let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when love isn't enough, and move on when things are not like before. For surely, there is someone out there who will love you even more.  Do you ever sit and think.. what if? What if you never said the first hello? What if our paths never crossed? What if you kept your mouth shut and just let things pass, or what if you would have said just one more thing? What if you had five more minutes? What if you could turn back time or make it all just stand still? What if you could say I love you one more time or NEVER had said it at all? Where would your life be?  It's not until months later, looking back, that you realize how much better you could've done. And it won't be until months from now that you really do let go & you finally give another guy a chance. But until then, here you are, stuck in the past, wishing it was the present.  When it comes to relationships, people are always so scared of the what if’s that they forget the what is. They spend so much time thinking, "What if I get hurt?" and "What if it doesn’t work out?" that they stop thinking about the things that are already real. They forget the feeling they get when the person they love walks into the room and the excitement that rushes through them when the phone rings because it might be the person they are waiting to hear from. Never let the fear of what if stop you from letting yourself take a chance on love because what if this is the person you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with?  Maybe this is supposed to be the end of us, maybe we are not supposed to reconcile and be friends again. Maybe we were here to teach one another a lesson, and once the lesson was taught we were supposed to leave. You taught me love, lust, pain and trust. I taught you to never let anyone take advantage of you. And now maybe, just maybe, this is the end for us.  I thought I was over you, I thought I was okay. I really thought it this time. You're no longer for hours and hours and hours in my mind, I don't think about you as much as I always did. But I still do. I thought that I could close the door, telling myself every day that it doesn't matter. Lying to myself everyday, saying that you don't matter to me. But deep down inside it's not okay, because it really does matter. You do really matter. I do still love you, I do still want you to like me. I'm protecting myself by saying that it doesn't matter, so you won't hurt me, but it's a lie. I don't think about you as much as I did, but I still do. I still can't forget you. I'm just too in love to let go.  Sometimes there is nothing to be said. Sometimes nothing should be said. I just want to find someone who won't run away. Someone to look me in the eyes and tell me it's okay. that things don't always go right. That is how life works, and how it will always work. That it's not going to be easy. Today, Tomorrow, the next day, but it will somehow get better.  I hate being in this position. I’m forcing myself to let go of the one person I need in my life. You’re the only thing that makes sense, but at the same time, the one thing that complicates me. I know that I’m better off without you, but I feel empty whenever I try to let go.  Some of the most comforting words in the universe are "me too." That moment when you find out that your struggle is also someone else's struggle that you're not alone, and that others have been down the same road.  People would say ‘I'm single.’, but to me, that sounds rather despondent. It sounds like they were trying to say ‘I'm alone.’ or ’I have nobody to love.’ That's not true for me though, because I have my friends, I have my family, and I have my music. I would rather say ‘I'm free.’ It sounds better.  Dear anyone who is considering suicide: please don't give up. You are needed. You are wanted. You are important. You are loved. You are beautiful, don't let anyone tell you other wise.  We cannot change our past, we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have & that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me & 90% of how I react to it.  You can try your hardest, you can do everything and say everything, but sometimes people just aren't worth trying over anymore. They aren't worth worrying about. It's important to know when to let go of someone who only brings you don't.  Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it's the only person who will ever receive all of you. After that, you learn better. But, most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved - a piece no future lover could ever get, no mater what. That piece holds innocence - the belief that love really can last forever. It holds friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you’ll never forget and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be. Everything that was proven wrong.  The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging and you have to act like you don’t care at all.  if i have to fight, i will. fight for you until i can't fight anymore, but i have alot of fight left in me. so i will start the talking first and if you don't wanna do this, then we don't have to. but i know you miss me and i know you missed the shit i did for you. now i don't care about the past. i care about right now and the days ahead. i want you; and you either want me back or you don't but either way i'll be by your side one day. |